Christmas

I tried to make sure a decent portion of the gifts I gave this year were handmade. People at work got ribbon scarves or ornaments. A good friend got knit fingerless gloves. These kimono sweatshirts were easy and fun to make. I got the pattern from Stitch magazine but I had to figure out the 3T size myself. I ended up giving these to the girls before the holidays because I couldn't wait to see if they fit.



Finding gifts for Sam is always tough. This tin of popcorn (kinda gross, I know) was a big hit and he was very excited. He seemed to know it was his. We also got him a set of bristle blocks but so far they haven't been as great as I had hoped. Maybe they will grow on him.

I knit Hannah a sweater that came out very well although it is too big at the moment. I also need to tighten up the button holes or put on new buttons.

I finally gave Hannah the quilt I made for her this summer. It is my first quilt and I can't wait to make another one.

I also made the girls matching jumper dresses but somehow I managed to forget to take a picture. They may not get worn much at the moment because Hannah is crawling like crazy and so dresses are not the best option for her. The style is very easy though and I expect it will still fit when she walks.

The girsl got stuff that was not handmade as well. Hannah has a nice selection of noisy rattles and an adorable pair of shoes. Maya also got shoes (she loves shoes. . . ) and a "big girl doll". It was not one of THOSE dolls that cost an arm and a leg (I remember when they were 68 dollars and I started a cat feeding business to save up for one). It was an imitation but it is just as good especially for a 3 year old. I made the doll some pajamas because Maya pointed out she had nothing to wear to bed!

I finally found someone selling the Oliver + S Bedtime Story Pajamas pattern on Esty so that is on the way. I have plenty of fabric just waiting to be used. I think that pattern is one I can actually make for Sam. Now for a day or two dedicated to sewing. . .

No such thing as a vacation/ no more travel

Sam's school made lots of promises back in early November. The most important were that they said they would help me negotiate respite care with DDD and they said they had "connections" and could send over a cheap carpenter to help me modify the home to create a couple of "safe spaces" for Sam when he is having a tantrum or being too destructive.

SOme posts I started but never got to finish explained the reasons why we need safe spaces - the short of it is Sam has had a few episodes in which he has hurt the girls and damaged the house. Much of it was due to a medication reaction (he is off the med) but some of it was just Sam realizing his own size and power. Once you know you can't unknow. . .

None of the promises came true. I suspect no one followed up with DDD but that is not my primary concern. I am wary of random respite care. I called various people and (politely) reminded them that because of their lack of action the girls and I were about to spend a week with Sam with no way to manage him if he gets worked up (other than perhaps to sit on him but i think he might be able to fight he way put from under me if I tried - I tried, by the way).

I believe my case manager must have been a little annoyed at the school because she also thought they would get this done. She got permission for our home program teachers to come over break ( I am surethey are thrilled but truthfully I don't care. After they do their time they get to go home to their typical families and not listen to the constant clatter of objects hitting the floor). The school also gave us 5 hours through their budget (Sam is basically in an out-of-district placement). I got some hours through health insurance and so while it is not perfect, I have put together a decent program for him. I hope I can do as well in the summer.

Last year we realized that we were no longer going to be able to travel for Christmas or Hanukah. Family members kindly say "we don't mind" and " we will help keep an eye on him" . but when their books get ripped and their stuff hits the floor, they mind. To truly keep an eye on Sam you must stay 2 steps behind him every waking minute and be ready to physically move him if he gets out of control.

So for some reason we decided to travel on xmas day. My sister lives just over 2 hrs away and next summer she and her family are moving to California ( my sadness on that one is a post in itself). The drive there was smooth. The visit was terrible. Mark and I took shifts following him trying to prevent disaster but neither one of us really relaxed or got to enjoy the people we were there to see. Mark and I were unhappy but most of all we realized how unfair it was to Sam. There was nothing he could do. In our house we may hate the dropping but when we can limit it to blocks and toys we live with it because there is no choice. Our floors are damaged and we wish we had good earplugs sometimes but it is what it is. In someone else's home Sam is over stimulated and he is basically not allowed to do anything because nothing he does is appropriate.

The ride back was scary. Early on we hit MAJOR traffic. We were at a near standstill for almost an hour and Sam FLIPPED out. He screamed at the top of his lungs, threw anything he could gets his hands on, kicked the front seat with all his strength, tried to escape his seatbelt, and tried to hurt Maya. Mark had a hunch the traffic was due to an accident so he got off at an exit that took us east and we took a chace that it would eventually hit a route that went north. After about 25 minute it did and we were ok. Sam loves car rides as long as we are moving.

So no more travel. For real this time. Unless I get a visit from the mini van fairy and I find a safety harness Sam ca't get out of. And I don't see those things appearing any time soon.

Where did the time go?

Time to knit a new hat.

Zoo Boo and the Storm

One of the things that went really well this month was a trip we took to an event at the local zoo. One weekend in October they decorate the zoo for Halloween and open the zoo at night (must buy tickets in advance). Kids walk around an "trick or treat" around the zoo. Local businesses and charities set up "trick or treat" tables at various locations around the zoo. I was determined to go this year - and I was determined to try to bring Sam . A friend was able to pick up tickets for me which was a huge factor in our being able to do this.

We went on a Friday night. Sam wore a sweatshirt with a glow in the dark skeleton printed on it. It is about as much costume as he can tolerate. He has been able to use it for the past 2 years and I am hoping to find something similar in a bigger size next year! Maya dressed up like (a fully clothed) Ariel from The Little Mermaid (he interest in being a Disney princess was much to my dismay - I know I could have vetoed the costume but I had a weak moment). Hannah wore a jacket with bear ears and pants with paws on the feet.

We got there a little early (note to self- go a little later next time) so we had to wait in line for the gate to open. Sam had a hard time but he got through it without stealing anyone's water bottle and smashing in on the ground. With the help of a pocket full of small treats, he managed to stay with me and not run away.

Sam walked around with us pretty well. He tried to steal and throw water bottles at every table and he didn't understand the concept of taking ONE piece of candy. Maya had a ball!! She was so excited to see some spooky (or as she says it, "booky") things.

We kept moving and made the rounds pretty quickly. We decided not to take any chances and left on a good note. I was on cloud nine the whole ride home because we actually did something all together.

I am very glad we went because the real Halloween was preceded by a huge nor'easter. The Saturday before we were hit with snow and ice that downed power lines and knocked the power out for days. We had a few dark cold nights but we were in better shape than many since we got power back for good by the tuesday followong the storm. The storm was prodigious. During the snow a bunch of us on our street stood outside to survey the snowfall and every few minutes we would hear a loud "crack" and another huge branch would fall. Maya got some good snow play time on Sunday. Sam had a number of fits because he couldn't flick the light switches or listen to music. Many schools closed for a few days due to power problems and tree damage. On the "real" Halloween I took the kids to a few houses but due to all the ice and branches on the ground we were limited.

The photos:

Zoo Boo

The snow:

Maya having fun:

Keeping the baby warm because we had no power/heat:

ISam

I started this post at 4 this morning after yet another sleepless night. For some reason, the magic cocktail that had Sam sleeping for the majority of the night stopped working a couple of days ago. But that is the subject of another post.

When I saw that Sam was number 19 on a list of 20 at the Mission Ipossible site, I really thought it would be a year or more before enough funds were raised to purchase his ipad. What has happened over the past few months has been amazing to watch.


I got an email from Ken, one of the people in charge of Mission Ipossible, earlier in the week letting me know that Sam's ipad was on the way. Since I am a teacher, I was home for the Jewish New Year and I was able to watch for the mail. Friday at 11, this box was on my front step. My mailman was a little lax with the signature required issue (although to be be fair he could probably hear the dog going nuts and me yelling at her so he knew I was home).





Is that the most neatly wrapped box you have ever seen?


I started to open it up while Sam was with one of his home therapists. I had to move from place to place as I opened because I knew Maya would go bananas when she realized what was inside. To my surprise, as I pulled apart the layers of bubble wrap, I found a bag of little toys and this little guy. That's a Dream Date Gonzo in case you can't tell (What are you trying to say, Ken? ).

Then I pulled out this:

Seriously, the wrapping job was amazing. Neat tape, perfect corners, no wrinkles. I distracted Sam when therapy was over by leaving the shipping box out. This is Sam balancing it on the edge of the table. He is gearing up to watch it drop again and again and again and again. . . . .

I left the bubble wrap on the floor to see how long it would take the kids to discover it.

30 seconds.

WHile they popped bubbles I took a look at this. I didn't try to get Sam to unwrap it. He CAN rip paper but he doesn't understand the meaning of a present and won't attend to the task.Over the course of the afternoon I set up the ipad with simple apps. One of Sam's home therapists has her own and so I already knew a few things that were worth getting. Maya ended up being the first to play with it because there was a crazy 3 kids yelling at me all at once moment and it gave her something to do for a while.

Sam didn't really "get" it when I showed him that we have our own ipad now. I felt a tiny twinge of jealousy each time I read an "i" post detailing a kid's enthusiasm over the new device. For us this is going to be a way to try to focus his attention and, hopefully, communicate. I would LOVE it if Sam could develop some recreation skills but I think it is unlikely. WHen I sit him down, Sam can do simple shape puzzles and discrete trial programs. We are working up to investing in the big guns - Proloquo2go. What is amazing is that the kid who had to be taught to point with his pointer finger in early intervention understood the concept of the touch screen right away.

Is this an instant game changer for Sam? No. But I see a lot of possibilities (Ipossibilities? Too corny?) The ipad is an amazing teaching tool that will allow us to work where ever we are without lugging tons of supplies. Hopefully, once we get speech software and Sam is able to hear the ipad speak for him he will find that motivating and appreciate it even more.

I am trying not to drip my wet hair on the ipad.

Here is Sam doing a shape puzzle ( no pieces to throw or eat!!!):

Here he is doing a discrete trial program for color identification (bonus-no flashcards for Sam to fold and chew):

My deep heartfelt thanks to the people at Mission Ipossible and the community of donors without whom this gift would not have been posisble.

Recent Projects, Baby Hannah, and Sam with Water

I recently made Maya two skirts using an Oliver and S free pattern. You can make your own using these very EASY directions:http://www.oliverands.com/blog/2008/08/lazy-days-skirt-free-pattern.html

The bottom skirt is made from a great remnant I got at the fabric store and some pretty blue ribbon. The top one is polka dot Riley Blake fabric with ric rac trim. Maya LOVES them and has worn them every day this week. I think I will need to make a few more soon. SHe calls them her big girl skirts and tell me she is going to wear them to school.

The project below is a knit necklace I made my sister for her birthday. The kit is from Jimmy Beans Wool (http://www.jimmybeanswool.com/). the yarn is a beautiful silk/merino blens and the tiny beads are glass. I designed some simple earrings to go with it to make a nice set. I hope they wear well.

We have been adjusting to life with three children. Hannah is a pretty easy going baby as long as mommy is in sight. She does not get through the night without nursing a few times but I don't really mind. She goes to bed in her crib and then after her first wake-up she sleeps with me. She is growing FAST. At five months she was 17 lbs 6 oz. Since she was born earlier in the year than Maya and she is growing faster my goal of trying to only re-use Maya's clothes is not going to work out (I got her a few things of her own at first but I was hoping to limit the shoppingas much as possible). I caved and bought her more short sleeve items to last into the early fall. There she is on my lap.

Maya loves to be a big sister but she has some jealousy to manage. She also wants desperately to play with Hannah and finds it hard to be gentle. She is not displaying anything out of the normal range of sibling adjustment. Whenever I take a picture of Hannah, Maya wants in on the action.

Sam loves water as much as he did last year. He has a water table on the deck which I fill a few times a day. He has various items thathe dunks and then lines up on the table or the railing. He also has Mega Blocks (like large legos) that he lines up on the table upside down. THen he sucks up a mouthful of water and fills each block to the brim. Then he knocks them off the table and repeats. The only problem with the water play is that he ends up drinking a lot of the water. He pees and pees all afternoon and then wets the bed at night. I think I am going to have to cut off the water play at 4 from now on to see if that helps. He refuses to go back to pull ups at night (and I don't really want to anyway). Here is my tall handsome boy with a selection of water filled items:

Watching through the window and simple goals

Summer is winding down and I am feeling that mix of emotions that comes with "back to school" time. I anticipate the extra fatigue of having to get the girls and myself out the door by 7am after interupted nights. Then I will teach all day, pickup the kids, manage Sam's afternoon therapies, try to keep up with the house and grading only to go to bed expecting, at best, an hour or two of sleep at a time. I feel sad about not being with the girls during the day. I feel guilty about NOT being sad about time away from Sam ( I don't know how you homeschooling moms do it). I feel frustrated before Sam's school year even starts because I am pretty sure we will see little progress again this year. Who knows, maybe Sam might be able to get to 3 whole minutes on his "waiting" program. (insert sarcastic eye roll here)

I also feel a little down that yet again we have done nothing away from home as a family. I have been watching through the window while neighbors pack their bags and their cars and head out to make memories at the beach or in Europe or at a campsite. I am not dreaming of a a resort vacation but a day or two at a lake or the ocean would be nice. My mother, my sister (with her husband and son) and my father all ended up on holiday in England (my parents are British) this summer. They were there at different times but they got to see the places we lived/visited when I was a child. They got to see where my grandparents ashes were scattered. jealous. jealous. jealous. I was so jealous I felt sick to my stomach. I know it is selfish and stupid when considered along with all the real problems in the world but that it how I felt. Yet again this year I thought about buying a bathing suit but didn't. Yet again I didn't need it. I can't blame it all on autism. We couldn't have afforded a trip even if Sam were typical.

So, can we pick up your mail? Sure, we are not going anywhere. Can we pick up the papers? Sure, we are not going anywhere. Keep an eye on the house? Sure, we are not. going. anywhere.

* * * * * *

I have been keeping a mental list of simple things that would make life a little nicer here at home. I am hoping to add these into Sam's home program over the next year. Some of these goals are more about me than Sam

1. I would like to be able to take a walk - a long one. I have had three kids now and I need some excercise. We actually started this one already by teaching Sam to hold the stroller and walk with me. He gets Skittles every so often if he "walks nicely". If anyone has a more natural alternative for Skittles please tell me. They gross me out but Sam won't go for jelly beans or gummies with natural colors and flavors. He has done pretty well. A few block is he starts jumping up and down osessively and hooting but we will keep at it.

2. I would like to be able to sit together at the table for more than 2 minutes.

3. I would like to be able to have something to drink with dinner. If I bring a glass of water to the table Sam will either steal it and spill it, stick his hand in it, or break the glass. If I use a plastic cup he will go bananas wanting to play with it.

4. I would like to put the books back on my bookshelves and know that Sam will not destroy them.

5. I would like to be able to take Sam to the grocery store and not have him try to knock all the cans off the shelves.

6. I would like to be able to spend a day at a beach next summer - any beach. I don't expect to get any relaxation from this but I want to girls to have summer memories that include sand and water.

I had more goals on my mental list but I can't recall them right now. Sam has been up since four and the baby still nurses during the night so that might have something to do with it.