Sam has continued to have sleep issues this week despite my manipulating the things he already takes. I spoke to the neurologist again today and we are adding Clonidine. I have no idea if it will work. I am pretty much assuming it won't. Even if it does I am pretty certain it will stop working a few weeks after we start.

Sam continues to have episodes of chewing/lip smacking/teeth grinding in his sleep. My husband now thinks it might be seizures too.

I want to have hope because we are trying a new med and Sam is starting a new school but I really don't feel any. AFter a day of pulling rocks out of Sam's mouth, trying to stop him from throwing things at the ceiling, narrowly avoiding a major accident when Sam threw a boot at the dinner table missing the light fixture and my husband's plate by inches, and trying to explain to Maya that her brother just doesn't understand b/c he threw a shoe at her face, I don't have much positive left. He isn't being aggressive, it is all stim. This was all after a day in which he had lots of attention and lot of chances to work out his sensory issues. We played outside for hours - he went on the swing, jumped on the trampoline, and ran. Nothing turns down the stims.

Hopefully it will get better but here's the thing - the problem with throwing all your energy into trying everything is that eventually there is nothing left and you are really really tired.

I miss the little boy I had 3 years ago, before these stims came out, more than I can possbily describe.