Friday, November 11, 2011

I haven't posted for a while. It has been a bad month. The sleep situation sucks, the destructive behaviors are in full force every waking minute (and since sleep is rare, that is a lot of destruction), and we are all feeling frayed.

We switched to a new neurologist in the hope the he may have new suggestions. So far it is not promising.

The good news is that I secured some additional services for Sam through the health insurance so we get a couple of hours of respite on the weekend while Sam is at some special needs classes. I use it to try to do normal kid stuff with Maya like arts and crafts that she can't do with Sam at home.

I honestly don't know if I could feel like a crappier parent these days. The horrible angry vemon that spews from my mouth when Sam smashes something in the kitchen or rips up another book is terrible. I have lost all self control in that area. Between the nursing baby and Sam's night time fits I have not had more than an hour or two of uninterupted sleep in months and usually I am awake from about 1 or 2 am on due to all the wake-ups. My hair is falling out and my eczema is consuming my hands. I am very angry at myself for not being able to maintain a little more composure.

I have had many ideas for posts but I have been too tired or pissed off to concentrate and write them.


Stranded said...

Its hard not to be disappointed in yourself for not being able to do more. I feel like a failure on a daily basis. Just do the best you are able to do in that moment, even if your best is being able to take a shower, or stopping yourself from throwing something across the room in frustration. Forgive yourself more often.

I am glad you got some respite on the weekends....

You know normal arts and crafts are good, but more than anything, kids just want to see their parents happy, being happy with them. So maybe pick something easy for a few moments - even if it is something ridiculous like aiming and throwing some grapes in a yogurt carton together with your daughter -and sharing a laugh - it wont look as pretty as a lovely craft, but lot less planning, stress and expectations involved.

Emma said...

you make a good point. I think I often feel like I have to cram all the "typical kid" stuff into those few moments but that is a lot of pressure